My video today is on the subject of bullying. Not a particularly nice subject, and if you are on the recipient’s end of a bully, it can be pretty horrible. But that’s why it’s important to speak about it.

In the video, I explain some of what’s going on in the bully’s mind. I’m going to explain to you what the healing mechanisms of the mind are so that you can start to understand what is going on in the head of the bully. And then, I’m going to give you a few tools and tips as to how to deal with it.

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Let’s start with a basic premise that your mind is a self-healing mechanism just as much as your body. The best way that the brain heals is that you express; that you annunciate your experience. When you express your feelings, and they’re understood, it’s the best way of integrating because you then order your memory correctly. When you suffer a trauma, and it’s not processed, the trauma is everywhere. It’s in the past, it’s in the present, it’s in the future, randomly triggered. When you express and are understood, and you can integrate what is happening, then the experiences that you had are ordered in your memory correctly.

But a lot of things we try to avoid. Probably the most important of those are shame-based because, by definition, shame is very personally exposing and vulnerable. It says, “I am wrong.” It can often be on taboo subjects or things that we think are so taboo, so unforgivable that we dare not speak their name. So you can’t go through that natural integrating process, and you can’t place that experience in the past where it belongs. It’s just everywhere. So what do you do? This is why I say that your brain is a self-healing mechanism. When you do not express and annunciate consciously, your body or your mind finds ways to act out your experiences almost as if you were the perpetrator so that you can put yourself in the shoes of the person who did whatever they did so that you can start to understand what an earth was going on and start to, almost by accident, process it consciously. And this is where the origins of bullying can be found.

But there are ways to defeat a bully once you understand what he or she is doing, why they are doing it, and what implicitly and explicitly they are trying to gain. If that resonates with you, watch on.

And as an aside, if you look you will see that I have also published a video intended to speak directly to the bully.

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